Killing the green eyed monster

Once, a green eyed monster assailed a realm. The giant monster would eat hundreds of men in a day and still would look for more. In due course, people became so afraid of the monster that they couldn’t even dare coming in front of him. The more people he would scare, the bigger and stronger he would become. The king issued a decree whoever kills the green eyed monster would get as reward whatever he wants. Knights and wrestlers from all over the country came to kill the giant but in vain. The moment they would face the giant, it would get ever bigger. Soon he was considered as invincible. One day, a skinny young man turned up and claimed he could kill the monster. While people were still laughing at his dare, he went up to the monster and said heroically: ‘Come out; I am here to kill you’. Furiously, the monster came out yelling: ‘I would eat you alive’. The young man didn’t move an inch back. He replied looking back into his eyes ‘I’m not afraid of you’. Listening that, the giant started to shrink smaller and smaller until he was vanished.

The story tells us how to conquer our fears. It holds true for all forms of fear and ‘Jealousy’ is one of them. Yes, Jealousy is basically our embedded fear. Looking jealousy in a more rational way, we feel jealous when we have an underlying fear of losing something or someone. But just like our other fears, if we look this one in the eye, we can kill it. Accept the fact that everybody is free to make their own choices and we cannot control other people. What we can control are our own feelings and actions. Believe in yourself. Know your own strengths and uniqueness. Take some time to appreciate your self, count your strengths and forgive yourself on your weaknesses. Love your self - because if you won’t, nobody else will.

Good communication can also resolve the problem. Communicate your feelings to others in a healthy way, without hurting them. Ask candid questions, the things that make us jealous are often just our assumptions. When we feel jealous we are holding the wrong beliefs or assumptions about things; I am not good enough for getting as good a job as of him. This is a wrong belief. Nobody is born with all the best skills in the world to get a good job. We learn it in due course of time. You can learn to become as good as the other person is. You encounter this person you’re feeling jealous of; to give you a drive - to work harder, to develop your self and to achieve the thing you value - a good job for instance. If not, your destiny could be to achieve something beyond this point. Something that was better for you but you were not aware of that.

Jealousy is not a bad feeling. It basically is a healthy feeling that actually helps us to identify the things that matter to us. The things we feel jealous about are basically things that carry more importance in our lives. It usually gives us a drive to pursue what we truly want.

Bushra Naz

Published on 19 January 2010, Daily Mail

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